Ask Ken!

The Assocated Press the other day reported that Congress has just appropriated another 70 billion dollars for the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, saying "with Iraq alone costing about eight billion a month, another infusion of money will be needed next spring."

Eight billion dollars a month. That’s $8,000,000,000. A month.

Or $266,666,666 a day. That’s $266 million dollars a day.

Or $11,111,111 an hour. Eleven million dollars an hour.

So George W. Bush has not only managed to piss away the tremendous politcal capital the U.S. gained after the 9/11 attacks, but he’s "stayed the course" from the Clinton-era budget surplus to a 2006 defecit of roughly $400 billion dollars. Nintendo Wii Modchip Umbau Xbox 360 IXtreme Firmware Flash Ring of Death Reparatur Xbox Modchip 360

Ken!

 

Over the weekend I read a fascinating article from the New York Times about how increasing numbers of students making their way into colleges are unprepared in some capacity or another for that level of coursework. That alone was fascinating but what really caught my attention was one statistic cited in the story: two-thirds of the students entering higher education lacked the comprehension and critical thinking skills necessary to compare viewpoints in a newspaper editorial.

And these two-thirds are the students who are making into our higher education system. Never mind those less educationally-inclined.

With Americans so incapable of analytical thought its little wonder the Bush Administration has been allowed for to run roughshod over Americans civil rights, piss away what political capital it had gained as a result of 9/11 and set the dangerous precedent of premption. I guess as long as Americans have their NASCAR, they’re good.

Ken!

 

Dear Ken!,
Me and my boyfriend have recently had sex for the first time and it didnt turn me on at all. But before we had sex we had dry sex which turned me on loads Is this normal? And what can i do?

Kay-la xxx

Dear Kay-la xxx,

One should never confuse dry humping with first time intercourse. Here’s some analogies to help clarify:

dry humping	first time intercourse
soccer practice	world cup final
riding a tricycle	riding in the space shuttle
running for school class president	becoming master of space and time

While column "B" contains much cooler activities, they’re also far more harrowing. It’s the kind of stuff that when done– especially the first time– will bring a lump to the throat and cause a person to stop and ponder some of life’s bigger questions. Once the hot, hot monkey lovin’ becomes less foreign and more familiar you’ll find yourself enjoying it far more.

Keep on doin’ it,
Ken!

Dear Ken!,
i have a question on canada, (1700’s) why is lower part of canada higher then upper part of canada? thank you

just wondering

Dear Just Wondering,
If you’d smoked B.C. bud you would know why the lower part of Canada is higher than the upper part.

Ken!

For years now the cadre of scientists in the labs here at Ask Ken! Industries Unlimited, Ltd. have been working diligently to be not only the first to clone a human being, but clone me, Ken!, which is presumably more difficult because of the exclamation point. I’m quite pleased to report that this team of scientists have managed to save their own hides by sucessfully duplicating mine!

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Dear Ken!,
I am very troubled that you are talking about these problems in the Middle East and appear to have no idea about the history of this topic. Today I watched as you spoke down to an orthodox Jews and you had no idea about what he was talking about. To be frank it made you look very stupid and it embarrassed me because I stand by CNN. Please read this report so you can have a little background in the subject for the next time you start ranting. Thanks,

article:
http://www.merip.org/palestine-israel_primer/toc-pal-isr-primer.html

Andrew, Minnesota

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Months ago I saw a video on YouTube– I wish I remember which one it was, exactly, but the important part is that it was about these smart-ass kids who started giving this skater guy shit over something or other. The first thing this guy does before kicking some major ass was take his shirt off. At first it struck me as a bit strange but, honestly, I’ve been been in a real fight and clearly this skater dude was a seasoned veteran. After thinking it through further I realized that a good rule to live by is “If you think you’re on the verge of a fight and the dude takes his shirt off, get the hell outta there because he’s got far more brawling experience than you.”

That’s one to grow on.

Ken!

Dear Ken!,
What is the advantages of LCD monitors vs CRT counterparts?

Massoud Aarabi

Dear Massoud,
As someone who has recently switched from a seventeen-inch CRT display to an equally-sized LCD monitor, I was most pleased to discover the amount of desk space I reclaimed. When connected to the computer using the digital video inputs the image quality is without a doubt better than any CRT display. And something about it feels easier on the eyes. The only real drawback, when compared to a CRT, is cost. Good, large CRTs are still hundreds of dollars less. Often times that’s an acceptable trade-off.

Ken!
Dear Ken!,
Have you ever considered having guest editors of your column, guest Ken!s, so to speak? YOU DON”T SEEM ABLE TO KEEP IT UP YOURSELF> AND I CAN”T GET THE CAPS LOCK OFF> GODDAMNED WINDOWS

DO YOU REALLY HAVE ANYTHING MORE IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE THAN THIS COLUMN? I THINK NOT!!!!!!!!!

Dear DO YOU REALLY HAVE ANYTHING MORE IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE THAN THIS COLUMN? I THINK NOT!!!!!!!!!,
Once– it seems long ago now– I lived a relatively solitary life. For that, I feel fortunate. Today my life is filled with those of others as well as my own. And for that I feel equally as fortunate. Such a life is not without loss, however. Gone are long stretches of days and nights left free to ponder the nature of the universe… or hot, sweaty nookie. My creativity is channeled in other directions but with the same intent of enlightenment and good humor.

Something wonderful is going to happen….

Ken!

Dear DO YOU REALLY HAVE ANYTHING MORE IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE THAN THIS COLUMN? I THINK NOT!!!!!!!!!,
Once– it seems long ago now– I lived a relatively solitary life. For that, I feel fortunate. Today my life is filled with those of others as well as my own. And for that I feel equally as fortunate. Such a life is not without loss, however. Gone are long stretches of days and nights left free to ponder the nature of the universe… or hot, sweaty nookie. My creativity is channeled in other directions but with the same intent of enlightenment and good humor. Meet live msn webcam sexy girls for hot live show

Something wonderful is going to happen….

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Ken!
Dear Ken!
To make a long story short…what do you think of casual sex? A guy I’ve hooked up with a few times just e-mailed me and was like, “hey, I know we haven’t talked or hung out in like a year, but my girlfriend just dumped me, so you want me to come and ‘visit’ you?” Mind you, Ken!, we had a failed attempt at dating in the past, we live in different states, and he has two young kids (I don’t plan on having children), so there is no potential at all for a relationship here. Traditional moral values suggest I should be indignant, or even insulted. The problem is, some no-strings (hopefully) action sounds good to me right now. I’m just not sure how to judge whether I’m being used…maybe the key is to make sure things work out on a mutually beneficial basis. I dunno. What do you think?

Jeni

Dear Jeni,
That, my lusty friend, is what’s called a booty call and it is what it is. And I think it sounds like a fine idea. Exclusive Garage Doors here

Ken!