January 6, 2003 Call now! Operators are standing by.

Dear Ken!, I am a really anal retentive guy, all my ex-girlfriends say so...I suffer from on-going chronic depression and can't seem to hold onto a woman...how can I change??? Robert

Dear Robert, Treat your depression. Some people may disagree but there's some good drugs out there and I'm not talking about B.C. bud or that sticky Humbolt shit. Some of my best friends and worst enemies avail themselves of all manner of modern pharmacological wonders and it keeps them on an even keel. Doesn't bust the sex drive, won't kill the creative urge and won't harsh your mellow. Look into it. Regular exercise also does wonders, not only for your physical health but also your mental health and sexual stamina. Hey! Now I sound like an infomercial. Call now. Operators are standing by. Ken!

Dear Ken!, I'm cold and frightened, but enough about me. During these dark holiday times many questions come to mind. Questions about the depth of our materialism our concern for the planet and our alienation from our fellow human being. Yet none of these questions seems to cut to the chase, get to the meat, satisfy my existensial longings. So what I'd like to ask is: Is there a place where we can see a picture of your wizened old mug? Perhaps next to the one of your sweetheart in her white cotton panties? Thanks so much, Santa

Dear Santa, There are several places one might find photos of myself and my sweet, sweet girlie in white cotton panties. I'll leave it up to you to determine where these photos may be and how one might get them. Ken!

Should my 8 year old niece start wearing makeup? Mindy

Dear Mindy, No, but I recommend you nephews do. Ken!

Hi There, I'm a male from Malaysia. My cousin brother have sodomise me since when i was 13 yrs old and now i'm 25 yrs old. i manage to escape from him went i was 22 yrs old, I brave myself and told him off. Although he is not disturbing me anymore the sexual feelings still haunting me. I'm sleepless some night's thinking about the bad incident. I feel so shame of myself, Infact i'm attract to the same sex as well. Right now, I'm looking for a serious relationship with a gal, but wonder what is going on me. I'm so confuses Wonder why the "Bastard" choose me as a victim when he have 2 young brother's to have sex with. I'm totally uneasy with my lifestyle. What should i do? How am i going to over come this? Why is he so cruel to molest a young boy at age of 13? Am i a normal guy? I just don't know what to do? Uneasy Soul

Dear Uneasy Soul, Unfortunately the story you tell is all too common. You are not alone in your experience and there are people and groups out there to help those like yourself who have been sexually abused. You may have local social support agencies who can help, or if nothing else a private therapist would certainly help you come to terms with your issues. Be aware that those who are sexually abused are likely to become sexual abusers themselves. If you find yourself headed down that path get yourself help. Ken!

Dear Ken! I can't decide what to do. I am 23. I am going to go back to school but I can't decide what to go back for. I have an undergraduate degree but I have NO interest in my original major. I will not be fulfilled sitting behind a desk with an uninspiring job for the rest of my life. I could go back for grad school for speech pathology because I do have the need to help people. But, I also have a need to express my creativity so I was thinking of taking my hobby of photography and majoring in it. I start to question myself. Should I go for my dream and become a photographer, a profession that is a little harder to get a career start in? Should I go for speech pathology and be guaranteed a job? I guess I'm a little worried about student loans and also regret. Would I regret passing up the chance to get paid to be involved with my hobby? Or would I regret all of the loans that it would take to get a photography degree and be forever struggling to find work and pay off my loans? I mean I have a friend who moved to New York to become an actress. I respect her so much for that. She may never become a famous actress but she is living out her dreams. Would she be closer to becoming an actress if she stayed in Louisiana? Um, no!! Also, if I went back to school for photography it would be out of state in California because I LOVE that state. Another one of my dreams is to move back out there. I felt very alive and inspired by all of the beauty. So, that would also mean more loans. But should I just say Fuck it??? Anyway, any advice?????? I would appreciate some advice from another perspective other than my own and those who know me. Thanks so much. Liz

Dear Liz, Either way your student loans will hang around your neck like an old tire full of gasoline. Forget those damn student loans, fuck the boring desk job and use your creativity while you still have the youthful spirit to take advantage of it. You can sit behind a desk once you're older and the machine has ground the creative spirit out of you. The desk will always be there for you. Go. Now, before they come for you. Ken!

Dear Ken!, i am determened to loose weight before summer. do you have any tips? Me

Dear me, Tonight while I was driving about town I noted my local neighborhood adult shop and movie arcade appeared to be brimming with activity. A whole lot of glory hole action was going on there, no doubt. My sweet, sweet girlie in white cotton panties pointed out that it's because there's no Monday Night Football tonight. Is that how that works, the guys stay home and watch men tackle each other or they go out and tackle each other's wangs through a small hole in a movie booth. Good times! For the record I don't recommend engaging glory hole action as a weight loss method. What I find works best after a winter of slothfulness is moderate eating and regular exercise. Best of all, it's all you can lose... for free! Ken!

Ask Ken! Home Page