February 2, 2004 America Is In A Tizzy, To Wit: The Tit

Dear United States of America, Now that the time we've spent together can easily be measured in decades I have to admit that I've seen some pretty remarkable cases of hypocrisy from you, especially of late, but the tizzy over The Tit is a veritable masterwork of irony. You let your children sit on their ever fattening asses while playing countless hours of SuperPlayX-64, you vote against funding for art, music and physical education in public schools, you pump the kids full of BurgerMcWendyBell and carbonated sugar water , you accept that George W. Bush has sent your children to fight and die in Iraq but you become indignant when a single mostly-bare breast gets a generous second worth of national airtime. You simple-minded hypocritical fuck. Where do you come off thinking you have the moral ground to complain about something so completely harmless as a bare breast when all that other shit slips past you? Sad. Truly sad. It seems like I'm saying this more frequently each year but I thought I'd never be more ashamed to be associated with you, America. It hurts because I care about you and I see you doing all these harmful things to yourself and your friends... and your enemies. I wish you would just wake up, America, and see what you are doing to yourself. Ken!

Hi. I wanna know what time is it. Thanks Me

Dear Me, Time is a relative thing, you know. Even with those times zones all laid out in nice one hour chunks there's zigs and zags in the line. Some areas of Pakistan and India are half an hour off their neighbor's time. If you really think about it, there really isn't one time as much as there is a whole bunch of different times so rather than just picking one, here's Ken!'s List of Top Ten Times 10. story time 9. time to make the doughnuts 8. that one time back in college... 7. hammer time 6. midnight 5. bedtime 4. quitting time 3. 4:20 2. dinner time 1. hot monkey love time Ken!

Dear Ken!, Is it really "THAT" way? Is it really "a blind man in a room full of deaf people"? OR IS it in actuallity a deaf man leading a country FULL of BLIND people? How many ways are there to SKIN a CAT? Do lose lips really "sink ships"? How would you deal with a "RAT"? A wise old man told me something. . ."If the U.S. is Jesus and England, Juddah, Who are the ROMANS? He also claimed that "When Bush came to office, He took the helm of a rotting ship (painted gold) allready in "HOT WATER". What Legacy? Family values? Nafta? World.com, Efron? Or how about the White House(lefty brothel to grease campaign fund machine)? Thank god at least somebody was smart enough not to press the King of pop's luck...Do we really need another Rodney king? I know we have a Bouncer for a Govna but has'nt Cali had enough? SlmyCarDlr

Dear SlmyCarDlr, Uhhhh... my sentiments exactly. Ken!

Dear Ken!, do u have nude pictures of seth green? Ash

Dear Ask, No, do you have any pictures of Bob Dole humping a cheese grater? Ken!

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