February 9, 2004 A Business Proposition & Stewing In Your Own Juices

FROM;MR ANDREW LUCAS Dear Sir, I am Mr Andrew Lucas, Vice Chairman, Ecobank Plc I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you. On June 6, 1998, an American Oil Consultant Contractor with NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION, Mr Charles Mathis made a numbered time Fixed Deposit for twelve calendar months valued at US$11,200,000.00 Eleven million, two hundred thousand U.S. Dollars in my branch. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers,the National Petroleum Corporation, that Mr Charles Mathis died during the September 11, 2001 attack in USA. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr Charles Mathis did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$11,200,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it. According to the Law, at the expiration of 5 (five) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Government if nobody applies to claim the fund. Consequently, my proposal is that I would like you as a Foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr Charles Mathis so that the fruits of this old man's labour will not be in vain. This is simple. I would like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the Attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits which will put you in place as the next of kin. We shall employ the services of one Attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate administration in your favour for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world which you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 60% for me and 40% for you. There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the Attorney and my position guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address below. Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction better. Please observe utmost confidentiality and be rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country. Awaiting your urgent reply via my email: andrew_lucas@tiscali.co.uk Thanks and regards, MR ANDREW LUCAS

Dear Mr. Andrew Lucas, I am so sorry to hear of your predicament but I need a far more compelling reason to lend you my assistance than a meager $6.72 million. In the last week alone I have received similar offers from Mtange Uhruhu for $11 million dollars and a cohort of yours at Ecobank Plc., Mr. Galson Kennedy, for $15 million-- both of which are guaranteed to be 100% risk-free. How risky is your offer? You got anything else to sweeten the deal? Maybe you could kick in a couple of fine, nubile women, free lifetime use of a private jet and ownership of a villa in the south of France-- that might win me over. Ken!

Dear Ken!, My wife, a woman to whom I have been married to for 10 years, recently surprised me by coming home with a new tattoo on her back. She is a mother of my 2 beautiful children, and was 2 days away from having her 34th birthday. She did not discuss the fact that she was going in to get this tattoo, but expected me to be as happy with it as she was when she showed it to me at home. The tattoo is 2 Chinese letters, which supposedly are the symbol for Serenity. I had not know that she was interested in the Chinese language, and she claims that she isn't, but that the symbols spoke to her? Personally I think that it looks awful, trashy and rather gangsters. It pokes out from the waistband of her pants, and she constantly seems to be trying to find a way to bend down to show it off to friends and guests. I have been having a hard time accepting this new mark on her, and quite frankly don't understand what would compel her to get one, especially that particular design, I mean at least get something attractive or even artistic was my initial response to it. Do you think this is an indication that something is going on in her life that I should be aware of? Is she changing into a new person? Is she rebelling against the family and me? Please help Unmarked Daddy

Hey there daddy-o, Pry that bunch of tighty-whities from the crack of your ass and relax: your wife didn't say anything about being tattooed because she already knew your opinion. It's rather clear that you have feelings on the matter. Regardless of whether you like it, the ink has been laid and it's her body, not yours, so deal with it. Frankly, if you were a little more open-minded your wife might have involved you in her decision-making process. Christ, it's not like she had her clitoris pierced! It's a tattoo-- in some communities they are as ubiquitous as Starbucks. As for her motive, you should ask her rather than leave the answering up to a complete stranger. There's no doubt my answers would be far more disturbing than hers. Ken!

Dear ken! My boyfriend and i have been 2gether for over a year now and it really bothers me that he masterbates after we have sex and in the middle of the night atleast 3 times.He even does it in the morning be4 he goes to work.Is this normal?? I mean he masterbates alot!!I have told him it bothers me,but he continues to do it,sometime he will go in another room and do it.He masterbates atleast 5 or6 times in a day,compared to us having sex 2or3 times.What is wrong or what should i do!? Masterbation Madness!!!

Dear Masterbation Madness!!!, Conventional wisdom dictates that an activity has become unhealthy or addictive if it interferes with the conduct of daily life. Does he whip it out while driving? Cooking bacon? While he's starring in a local playhouse production of Brigadoon? What's he trying to do, coax a jinni out of that thing? I'm all for knockin' one off before leaving for work in the morning but five or six times a day-- or three times after having a go with you-- seems a bit of a problem to me. Unfortunately his actions will not change until he sees it as a problem. Try illustrating how his love affair with his cock is causing troubles in his life and in his relationship with you. If that doesn't work, tell him that you're afraid he's going to wear it down to a lil' nub. Ken!

Dear Ken!, my husband left out of town his dad was sick i stayed with kids then 2 days later his dad died i said nothing i understood but then on the 3rd day he still hadnt asked me to come be with him im hurt and mad when i asked him why then he wanted m eto come up i wont because i feel if he wanted me he would have asked? Chriss

Dear Chriss, I understand that you're hurt by your husband's apparent lack of attentiveness but cut him some slack here-- after all, his father just died. He's likely dealing with some heavy issues and intense feelings. He's got plenty of grief going right now and he doesn't need any more from you. Give him your love and support and accept that this one time you weren't foremost in his mind.

Dear Ken!, When I make love to my boyfriend, there are times when I do not have an orgasm but I can make a wet area on the sheets, I'm amazed!. My question, is there a difference between coming and having an orgasm? wet but no feelings.

Dear Wet, There is no difference between coming and having an orgasm; they are the same thing. Your wet pool of sticky pleasure, however, isn't tied to orgasms but arousal. When humans becomes sexually aroused they make their own sauce-- lubricant to be specific. If you're not familiar with the effect, tie up your boyfriend and do all you can to keep him at full staff for thirty minutes or so. His cock will be dripping like an old faucet. Same goes for you, really. The amount of lube a human generates on their own depends on a variety of factors including levels of arousal and hormones. It certainly adds a whole new dimension to the notion of "stewing in your own juices". Ken!

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