February 16, 2004 The Low-Down On The Ken And Barbie Split & Ken!'s Invention Ideas For 2004

hi ken! i have this project at school (i have to make up an invention) and i dont no what to do?¿?¿ hockey chick

Dear Hockey Chick, I have a very strict rule about not doing a person's homework for them but I figure I'm safe if I only give you some ideas to kick around, so here's... Ken!'s Invention Ideas for 2004 A tool to determine who "that one guy in that movie" might be A Star Trek-like transporter device The Breast Bleeper: automatically places black bars across exposed female breasts in live television broadcasts, lest the American public's delicate sensibilities be offended Truly secure Microsoft applications Orgasmatron Brimley beardifier Pornograph The Six Degrees of Kevin Bacometer Automatic cake-hole crammer The Auto-Humper3000 Some kind of software tool that will handle the bureaucratic bullshit for me Personal jet packs. What the hell happened to those things? Good luck and don't forget that if you use one of my ideas I get ten percent of the profits, which I will invest in monkey fashion research and development. Ken!

Dear Ken!, Did you & Barbie really break up for good?. GymGirl

Dear GymGirl, I've battled this misconception for decades now: I'm not the Ken in "Ken & Barbie". If it was me, it would be "Ken! & Barbie". But that doesn't mean I don't have the skinny about the biggest breakup since the mysterious Beniffer separation. We Ken's stick together, whether we have an exclamation point at the end of our names or not. So here's the low-down on the Ken and Barbie split: Ken isn't gay. Aside from the frequent masturbation, he's been celibate all these years. As most of us know first-hand, Barbie and her friends have no cooches. Ken's got needs and frankly, some of those bratz are looking pretty hot. He thought he'd take a crack at one of them. Ken!

i received a e.mail from a company called city express securities to inform me that i won a substantial sum of money in the ecoafric lottery which thay hold once a year, they are looking me to send 11k usd to the ecobank plc abuja to receive my money. Is this a scam to your opinion believer

Dear Believer, I would bet my title deed to the Brooklyn Bridge on this being a complete scam. What kind of lottery requires you pay eleven thousand USD before it will pay off? A crooked lottery. If that's not enough for you, Google "ecobank plc" and see how many other confidence scams seems to be associated with it. Then you decide how much trust (and money and time) you should give these people. Ken!

Dear Ken!, You seems to be magician. Are you a sorcerer? Sorceress

Dear Sorceress, I am not a sorcerer. In your world I would be called a "chaotic-good Seer with a +3 ring of protection". Ken!

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