April 14, 2003 "Our initial assessment is that they will all die."

Dear Ken!, I noticed you used a familiar phrase... so I thought you'd appreciate this: http://www.cafeshops.com/usingrights/ DeAshcroft

Dear DeAshcroft, Noted. Now that you've pimped your idea, lemme pimp mine... Just as the Scud Stud emerged as the cult character of Gulf War I, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, the Iraqi Information Minister, with his ability to out-lie the Bush administration has emerged as the cult character of Gulf War II: Dubya's Revenge. His statements have been so obtuse and obviously distorted that he has become the Iraqi equivalent of Fox News. His more quotable statements read like fortunes of doom.... "My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all." -Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf Ken!

Dear Ken!, I have a 14 yr old daughter who has a 18 yr old black male boyfriend. She recently thought she might be pregnant, but is not. I tried filing a restraining order on the boy, but it did not go through. I threatned to have him arrested and my daughter told me she would run away (again, previously ran 3 times) but this time I would never see her again. She has turned into a total B_ _ _ _ _! I really don't even want her in the house. Her father will not take her. Is there anything I can do. If I let her leave, or ask her to, would I legally get into trouble. I have looked on line for a "home" or "school" to put her in, but everything is so expensive, she will refuse counseling, and will refuse to take birth control., I am desperate for some help! Mom in distress

Dear Mom In Distress, Cage the wild beast, drag her to the doctor and have them hook her up with Norplant. It won't keep her legs crossed but it'll keep you from becoming a grandmother. Beyond that, get her a change of scenery. Nature can be a mighty and humbling thing. Maybe some words from the Iraqi Information Minister will inspire you to dish up some tough love. "God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Iraqis." - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf Ken!

Dear Ken!, Hi ken could you please tell me where i can find FREE nude pictures of boybands like A1, Blue < westlife , Boyzone e.t.c. I have searched hi and lo and still have no luck. Also do you know any good FREE sites that show male celbrities completely nude. I would be so grateful if you could reply Thanks PT

Dear PT, Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf says "When we were making the law, when we were writing the literature and the mathematics the grandfathers of Blair and little Bush were scratching around in caves." What he said. Ken!

Dear Ken!, Where does Syria fit into the war with Iraq in 2003? Yang

Dear Yang, I believe Syria is number three with a bullet on Bush's "to do in" list, just behind Afghanistan and Iraq." Say it, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf: "The forces of American colonialism began to drop containers that produce a sound explosion, a very huge sound. I remind you that they said that their strategy is based on shock and awe. Those failed ones manufactured a type of container that has an explosive substance, which they drop. They cause a very huge explosion in terms of sound, as if the universe was shaken. After a while, you go out and you don't find anything. You find some nails, screws, pieces of metal, but the important thing here is the sound. Those failed ones think that through the huge sound explosion, people would be shocked and consequently would collapse and be defeated. What happened? The contrary. The fighters..., the masses..., and the heroic sons of the Iraqi tribes discovered this game. They will turn it against the American louts so as to shock them. Wait for surprises, God willing, to see how the US game will fail." Ken!

Dear Ken!, I'm in a bit of a predicament so hopefully you can assist with some objective guidance. I'm a very attractive executive and I recently met this really amazing man. He's extremely intelligent, good-looking, has his own software company and hung like a horse. Any girls dream hey? I'm in love with him and he is just wonderful - leaving me stimulated mentally and physically. Unfortunately/fortunately. I'm BI-sexual and I've had this big crush on this other woman for months now. She's gorgeous. Pale blue angel eyes, blonde and a fabulous body with beautiful breasts. I work and study part-time and I met her at evening classes. I've been in love with her since I laid eyes on her but never did anything about it seen as she's straight - or so I thought. A few weeks ago she told me she's actually gay. In my very shocked and secretly excited state I had the wrong reaction to the good news - falling silent starring at her. I then said: "oh" and walked into the class. Inside I was so happy knowing that maybe all my fantasies that I have of her might just come true. I was so overwhelmed trying to let all this news sink in, that I really fucked it up good and proper! And so the lovely V. thinks that I have a problem with her being gay and she hasn't been to evening classes since!! Last week I sent her an e-mail asking if she's still alive and that I would love to see her again. She sent me a reply saying she was happy to hear from me and asked me for my number, which in my reply I gave her. Lets say best case scenario she phone's me, how do I explain how I feel about her? Also what do I do about my feelings for the wonderful man in my life? Do you think that because they're opposite sexes I could keep both? (I know the answer is no, but give me that much for trying) I know that if I don't see what can come of V. and my possible relationship, I'll kick myself, seen as I've been obsessing about her for months now. But I also know that R. is by far the most amazing, sweet, sexy and compatible man that I've ever met. Help? Girl Interrupted

Dear Girl Interrupted, What do you say, Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf? "We will kill them all........most of them." I think what he's trying to say is that maybe your choice here isn't "either/or". Maybe you can have your pie-- I mean cake-- and eat it, too. I mean, far be it for me to interfere with any potential hot-and-sticky lesbian love sessions. Do you suppose he might accept this indulgence of yours, or would he feel threatened? Maybe she'd be willing to let him join in. Sure, it could get weird but you're young and you're certainly not as likely to try this when you're old and your ass is wrinkled. Make love, not war! Ken!

hi I really hope u can provide me with some hope and show me a ray of light and get me out of the mess iam in right now. I do not have any personal problem. Iam quite happy with the kind of individual iam .i've a financially secure job and and I get along well socially. I've a lot of friends whom I would really say are more than just friends. My problem is rather circumstantial.some people would say fate. The first thing on my head is that I do not like my job.i find it boring . but as circumstances go and my family set up, do not allow me to think about quitting. Iam stuck with the job and there is nothing I can do about it. Belive me I've thought of a million ways as to how I could quit ..but I know with the kind of commitments it would be criminal on all who rely on me.so quitting is out of question. Iam a passionate person and I like to get involved in whatever I do. But since I've no interest at all in my work I find it pretty much hard to motivate myself .money and other perks have not much value as far as iam concerned .what iam really looking for is something much deeper where I can get involved in my work because I really like doing what iam doing .so most of the time when iam at work I find myself moving in a zombie like manner disinterested in everything. But I would also like to inform u that am also slightly above average as far as my work output is concerned. I've got reasonable intelligence and it is not very hard for me to produce the kind of work my boss wants. So in short .i find my work boring and iam stuck with it. The second thing is even more fundamental and it saps up all my energy just thinking about it. I've just recently been married to someone who is one of the most boring of all people I've met.don't get me wrong .she's is a nice person. She takes good care of me and I believe she loves me in her own kind of way. But she's a complete doormat. No character at all.no sense of humour. But what really gets to me is her complete lack of self confidence. She's scared of talking in front of a crowd .she gets nervous and her hand shakes .i try to motivate her . I say I love her and and have never really confronted her .but all said and done what I really hate is her utter lack of passion and energy in everything . she's a complete introvert. And even though iam not a complete out going person her withdrawing onto her shell is something I just do not understand. And am stuck with her. I can't divorce her . I could'nt live with it. As I said there is actually nothing wrong with her .just that she's so boring and colourless. So these are my problems in life. I hate my work and am stuck up in a loveless life( I can't love her) for someone who believes that life is to be lived with complete passion and enjoyed to the hilt I find myself trapped in a situation where there seems no escape. No love and hate my work. Saps all my energy .what do I do?????????? Sprtkk

Dear Sprtkk, "Our initial assessment is that they will all die.", says the Iraqi Information Minister. Sheesh. He's one of those doom-and-gloomy gusses, reminding us of our own mortality like that. Of course we're all going to die. That's the only real certainty in life. Everything else, I guess, is what you make it. Ken!

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