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June 9, 2003
The Cheesecake of Anguish & The First Rule About Cock Rings
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Dear Rhona,
A friend of mine named Mary*, recently informed me that she heard that my friend John** was dealing drugs. I am not sure whether or not to believe that John** is dealing drugs, but i would like to approach him about the subject because i am a concerned friend. What is the best way for me to ask him about this topic without accusing him of dealing drugs?
Thanks
Don't wanna accuse
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Dear Don't Wanna Accuse,
Let me lead by example here by asking you a couple questions:
So do you know someone named Rhona? Word is you know a Rhona. If you don't know a Rhona, why is this question addressed to Rhona?
Ken!
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Dear Ken!,
How are you? I was just wondering, in the everyday rat race, and with our great president (pffffft, yeah right) how do you spell relief?
Seanson Butterworth III
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Dear Seanson Butterworth III,
Last night I had a piece of cheesecake. But this was no ordinary cheesecake. Little did I know at the time but I had consumed a slice of the Cheesecake of Anguish. Upon return from my evening out, I immediately slipped into a deep slumber during which I was haunted by dreams of intense anguish. When I finally came around sixteen hours later I was left in a funk so deep even the random play function in iTunes couldn't find anything more uplifting to play than Styx's textbook torch song, "Babe".
That's how I am doing.
Ken!
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Dear Ken!,
i want to fuck for a long time,
what should I do?
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Spank it for a good long time. Repeatedly.
Ken!
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Dear Ken!,
Where is Conspiracy Theorist (May 26, 2003) getting cigarettes for only $3.00/pack? I'm paying $5.00. :(
Uday Hussein
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Conspiracy Theorist, what say ye? You buyin' smokes on an Indian Reservation or what?
Ken!
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Dear Ken!,
I realize the first and second rules concerning cockrings is that we don't talk about them. But I must! Why would a man leave a cockring on 24/7 for 5 years that I know of??? Could this be harmful to him in any way? Now...let's talk cockring.
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After conducting an exhaustive (or maybe exhausting) period of research into the matter of cock rings, I have concluded that cock rings serve a variety of purposes including maintaining erections, enhancing pleasure for him and/or her, decorative purposes, chastity and torture. Whew! I hope I didn't miss anything. A guy can watch only so much hardcore gay porn in one weekend.
Therefore, given the proper selection and fitting of the cock ring, there should be little or no long term physical repercussions. Of course I'm no doctor and it's always good to use some common sense in these matters. In other words, if your balls fall off because you tied them off with piano wire, don't come lookin' to blame me.
Why a person would choose or allow himself to wear a ring for such a long time is a very good question. On one level I don't see how a cock ring is all that different from a finger ring or toe ring. It could stand to serve-- arguably more accurately than other rings-- as a symbol of commitment. Or ownership, if it makes you feel funny to think of it that way. Remember, the mind is the most powerful of all sexual organs.
Next to my orgasmatron, that is!
Ken!
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