July 14, 2003 Ask Ken!: Because there are too many questions and not enough answers.

Dear Ken!, when my bf and i made out for the first time he later said that he was in horrible pain. his balls hurt so bad. what is wrong. i mean i dont' want to cause him pain that sucks i jsut want to give him pleasure Tressa

Dear Tressa, Nothing is wrong, in fact that ache is a sign that everything is working right. You whipped that boy's stallion into such a frenzy that too much blood pooled in his scrotum. Your boy's package was raging with blood, all just to keep him ready for your pleasure. Something that obviously never came. It's commonly called blue balls and it's not harmful, just uncomfortable. Interestingly-- and your mileage may vary-- I've found that jacking off doesn't help once the ache sets in. In fact, it makes it worse. The best solution I've found is tucking a big, cold drink next to the boys. You know, like you might do while you're driving. I suppose it should go without saying (but it won't because I've found long ago that's what's obvious to me isn't exactly obvious to others) that blue balls can be avoided in one of two ways: 1. imagine your school principle and the lunch lady getting it on, or 2. get some kind of release. I suggest option two. As they say in the profession sexual education world (the liberal one, that is), "Hands can't get you pregnant." Ken!

hi ken i'm 38 and im on social security and only get 400.00 a month and i'm in a bad marriage and don't have the money to get out and move back where my kids are 130 miles away can you help me get a gov. grant so i can move and get a place to live so i'm not on the street?? please help me i don't know what to do and have no one to help me . lonely jess... hope to here from you soon

Dear Lonely Jess, You ought to send a copy of your question along to: President George W. Bush 600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW Washington, DC 20500 While you're at it, be sure to ask him why his administration can afford to spend 3 billion dollars a month in Iraq but when it comes time to fund social programs a single cent can't be spared. People are out of work. Schools are laying off teachers. Social programs are being cut. But they always find plenty of money for the military. I don't know about you but from atop my purple mountain the majesty doesn't seem as great as it once did. The waves of grain are far less amber and the ring of freedom is beginning to sound more like the sound of jackboots kicking in a door. This is not the America I signed up for. And I don't suspect this is the America you signed up for. If your life is in danger, go to the nearest women's shelter immediately. If you can't get there, call them. If it's long distance, call collect. Just do it. If you have time to plan your escape then start scrimping and saving. You're better off having some money than no money at all. You say you have no one to help but you're going to have to find people to help. Building alliances with others will no only help you establish a support network but friends can also make good company (as it turns out). This is going to require some effort on your part. Ken!

Dear Ken!, I am a stay at home mom who just happened on to your web site. I was just wondering How you got started do you actually reap any finacial benefit from Ask Ken? I think it is amazing. Everyone needs an unbiased opinion from time to time. I am also impressed how you used each aspect of your life for the good. Mrs. C

Hey Mrs. C, As with many wild schemes, the existence of this corner of the web sprung up naturally, like so much weed. Ask Ken! is not affiliated with any political, social, religious or mathematical organization, movement or equation, nor is there any financial remuneration. Ask Ken! is free like the wind. It used to be free like with earth, wind, water and earth but now air is the only thing that's really free. There are too many questions and not enough answers. Ken!

Dear Ken!, I want to give up smoking marijuana for good. What are things I can do to disable myself from smoking it during the time of an intense craving? CRT

Dear CRT, A friend of mine is a chronic from the old school and when he quit he found that exercise not only cut the craving but it burned fatty tissue full of THC, giving him a pleasant buzz. He started by walking and quickly graduated to jogging. In the time you would have taken to clean your bong you can run three miles, get a good buzz and be healthier for it. Ken!

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