July 28, 2003 The Age of Consent, The Nerd Nest & Gambling On Bloodshed

Dear Ken!, hey I have a question 4 ya...well duh! Any way here goes. Well I just recently got out of a relation ship with a 27 year old and I'm 20, the relationship ended on really bad terms, and now it seems like I am finally getting notoced by all kinds of guys, but how do I avoid the really insecure type? I like all kinds of types of guys, and it takes so long to get to know someone well enough to know if they are insecure. I dont like being someones mommmy, and I dont like being treated like a child either. I was considering dating younger, but that might be worse. Which brings me to my question that is most important...I like this guy...er well, kind of a kid, he's like 16, we dont get intimate and we are somewhat jokingly talking about hooking up when he is 18 in two years, thats when I will be 22, my only question is; is it right to dat that young? He's so adorable, and irresistable. And treats me alot better that any other guy that I've dated, no matter what age they were. Just help me out on this one...PLEASE!!! Sincerely, older and frustrated, or younger and irritated Younger or older Denise

Dear Younger or older Denise, Let me put it this way: any sixteen year old with an IQ above Dubya's would treat you well if you showered him with attention. You're the wet dream of every horny hetro sixteen year old in the Western world (and probably many parts of the Eastern world)! If you're going to continue with this guy you might as well fuck him since that's what his friends are assuming is happening already. Somehow you question reminds me of the poor individual speeding down the highway who has to swerve to miss Ma and Pa Clampett who are driving slow in the fast lane. This poor person jerks the steering wheel one direction too far and then compensates by jerking the wheel too far in the other direction. By that point the top heavy SUV is out of control, careening at high speeds down the freeway ready to crush anyone who has good enough sense not to drive one of those fucking top heavy SUVs in the first place. Maybe you should try dating someone your own age. At least then you won't have to keep that age of consent web site bookmarked. Ken!

Dear Ken!, I'm dating a new guy who happens to be 12 years older than me, and a lot, well, nerdier. I was wondering if you have any advice about places we could go or things to do when we go out together that we would both enjoy. I live in Los Angeles so this shouldn't really be a problem but I am at a loss. Thanks for your help! Exstasina

Dear Exstasina, Not being savvy to the world of the nerd myself, I consulted a lady friend of mine who is married to a nerd. Her advice was to take him home and spank his ass. But then again that seems to be her suggestion for just about everything. How about letting your nerd guy pick the activies? Sure, you might end up at DS9-CON, an all night D&D party or he might just take you back to his nerd nest to show off his collection of Xena, Warrior Princess action figures but it's bound to be an eye-open glimpse into the fascinating world of the nerd. Try it, you might like it. Ken!

Dear Ken!, i have a craving to eat baby powder every day. WHY? Am i lacking something or what, please help, the princess

Dear Princess, Did you know that a group within the Pentagon, under the direction of Constitution-trampling John Poindexter, is starting a futures market in which individuals can effectively bet on future acts of terrorism? Read your freekin' newspaper. Do you think someone will crash an airplane into a U.S. nuclear power plant? You could buy futures for such a thing and if it were to come to pass and thousands were slaughtered in the process, you could make a tidy sum of money. Assassinations? Dirty bombs? Suicide bombers? Cha-ching, baby! Damn, isn't America great? Baby powder is comprised of babies that be been dried and ground into a fine powder. As with living babies, this power is rich in minerals. I'm inclined to believe that a craving for baby powder is your body's weird way of telling you that you're suffering from a mineral deficiency. Now if you had a craving for clown, that would be a little more puzzling. No one likes clowns. Ken!

Dear Ken!, i think my husband has a thing about the single parent neighbor he always talks about her and want to always go over and visit help how can i change his thinking

Clearly your only option here is to launch a pre-emptive strike. Sure, you don't have any real evidence, only speculation and hearsay, but there's really no other way to change the behavior of a specific individual without sending in the heavies to shut him down before he can do any actual damage to you. I mean, isn't that what trust is all about? Ken!

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