August 4, 2003 Ken! sez, "Share Those Wares With Others Who Cares"

dear ken I have a question? I need to go to hong kung to start a tribe in the woods of bambo and kung fu. Van Dam

Dear Van Dan, No, you do not have a question. A question ends with a question mark, like your first sentence. The rest of your message makes about as much sense as George W. Bush at his first press conference since the beginning of the war. Ken!

hi ken- im a 26 year old woman and have been married for nearly four years. last year my husband cheated on me with a very young girl, and that devistated me beyond belief. i never thought that he wouldve done something like that. we have been working on our marriage since then and he appears to be extremely regretful and has a desire to make it up to me. i have always been the type of person to be some what exotic in my sexual relations, but since ive been with him, almost 5 years now, ive lost that part of me because all he ever seems to want to do is have "quickies". there is no passion in our relationship, and my desire for sex with him is next to none. i havnt orgasmed for a very long time, and i hate that. im just not myself in bed with him and never have been because he makes me feel like im not worth the time it takes to pleasure me. i find myself wanting to be with other men, and i know for a fact that other men want to be with me. i have all this pent up passion and sexual energy and i feel like im going to explode, and for some reason i dont want to share this with him because of what he did to me. i want to share it with someone else, someone that will give and receive what i have to offer. someone that hasnt hurt me and fantasizes about me and doesnt take me for granted. i am an attractive female,and in a way i dont think it was fair that he got to stray and see what it was like to be with someone new..fresh..younger, and i have to sit here and be miss perfect wife. ive never cheated on him, and never will, thats not my cup of tea, but these desires i have are getting ridiculous. i want to see what it would be like to have a night of steamy passion and still be able to salvage my marriage like he did. how do i overcome these feelings? is it wrong for me to be feeling this way being married and all? im confused, hurt and most of all feeling inadequate with my feelings. please help me to better understand where these desires are coming from! desiresnotmet

Dear desiresnotmet, Marriage is like a rabid wombat. At one moment it's gnawing furiously at your ankle bone and the next you're frothing at the mouth and suffering from delirium. But that doesn't mean you don't have the right to feel the way you do. That sense of trust and intimacy you value so highly has been destroyed by your husband's philandering. Since you're young, horny and apparently kinky I say you kick that disrespectful loser to the curb and get out there and have some fun. You're young and still have plenty of hot monkey love in that body of yours. It's your duty as a patriot to share those wares with others who cares. Ken!

Dear Ken, I would like to know how to put on a t-bar harness cockring?

Ah yes, the ring: a symbol of endless love, of two people joined together in the bonds of marriage. It's traditional that the bride places the ring on her husband. Have you asked a bride for help? Perhaps the Priest can give you pointers. Ken!

Hello, I also give advice all the time but as you know what they say....the one who gives advice cannot always see their own lives. Well I shall begin. I like this guy. However, my family and his family have been close since forever. He is my aunt's husband step brother's son. I guess what I really want to know is if people would see us as being related. We do not share any blood or anything but I still don't know. He doesn't know I like him or anything and I am not too sure if this is just a crush. All I want to know is if there can be a chance for us. If people see us as being related then there is no chance. What is your opinion on the situation? Would you see us as being related? Thank you. Confused.

Dear Confused., Related? You're no more likely to be related to Kevin Bacon than you are to this boy. In fact you're more likely to know Kevin Bacon than you are this guy: my sweet lover once met Donald Sutherland and he was in a movie with Kevin Bacon. That's three degrees of Kevin Bacon. Beat that! Quit making up excuses for yourself and go for it. Unless he's a real scumbag, then find someone who's more likely to treat you right. Ken!

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