August 25, 2003 Love Is Like A Hitman & Washington Drivers

Dear Ken, About four years ago, I removed myself from an abusive relationship. He was not physically abusive. Instead, he was a mental and psychological abuser. It's taken me this long to get to the point where I can look at him and NOT want to hurt him. I've gone through therapy and gotten my life back on track and I'd like to think that I've recovered sufficiently. I dated one man during the last four years and that's it. When things started getting too intimate, I broke that relationship off. Some of my friends tell me that I should try to get back into another relationship but I just don't want to. It also bothers me that these friends think that, because I've chosen to stay single, there is somehow something wrong with me. As if being a single woman is somehow an incomplete thing that only the addition of a man in my life can fix. I am happier now that I am single than I ever was in that horrid relationship. I do miss some parts of being in a relationship but, by and large, I've got a good circle of friends, many outside interests and a good career that really make up for the lack of companionship late at night. So here's my question: What's wrong with wanting to stay single if I'm happy being single? SF in Seattle

Dear SF in Seattle, Your coupled friends want you pair up for the same reason so many Christians want to convert the heathens, because there's validation in being the majority. Besides, just as there are downsides to being single, there are drawbacks to being married. They remember what it's like to be single. Perhaps your friends are suffering from a little bit of grass-is-greenerism. Or maybe they've got a thing about even numbers. In short there's absolutely nothing wrong if you're happy being single. Moreover, it's dangerous to allow others to tell you what makes you happy. Now it's my turn to ask a question since you say you're from Seattle: what is it with all the Washington drivers who are compelled to drive slow in the left lane? Ken!

Dear Ken!, I'm going to be 40 next and my sex drive has hightened. Obviously this isnt a problem for my boyfriend.....but I just wondered, as my sex drive has always been high all my life, I always thought that hitting 40, it would nose dive. Now it hasnt, I'd hate to think that at some point it might. Whats the usual age for womens sex drive to drop Ken? Cheers.......and I still love your page after all the years its been running. Yours ever...yes...yes...yes...The Universal Bunny!!!!!

Dear Un Bun-hun, Don't tell me that you're the kind of person who, just having survived a building fire in which everyone else perished, would express guilt that you had been the only survivor. So copulate like the bunny you are and don't look back (unless your boyfriend is behind you, then an occasional glance over the shoulder can be very rewarding). I did a goodly amount of looking about the web for any real information about "the average woman's sex drive" but like the freeways of Los Angeles, I found more off ramps and detours than any real direction. I really wonder if anyone's done real scientific research into the matter. If I could only land that research grant.... Ken!

Dear Ken!, I am so tired of being lonely. I am a very intelligent young man, but it seems like I have a very hard time finding a girlfriend. I have gone to clubs so many times looking it is rediculous. My mother tells me to focus on school and everything will fall in place. Each time I go out looking I find a girl that doesn't like me, even when I treat them with the upmost respect. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think I am not attractive, like my buddies who get all the girls. BJT

Dear BJT, Like a hitman, one doesn't seek love, love watches you carefully and methodically. It learns your every breath, your every move. And when it comes to know when you expect it least it will strike then. Except in love's case it won't leave you to slowly bleed to death atop a plate of linguine at the corner Italian restaurant. Ken!

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