September 23, 2002 Ask Ken!, Your Strings-Free Advice Booty Call

Dear Ken!, I really wanna sneak into a girls locker room and "expand my horizons" if you know what I mean. Either at my high school or at another. I don't wanna get caught or anything, so I was wondering if you or anyone else had any tips for me. Sean

Dear Sean, There was this guy in my high school. He was quiet and kept to himself. One afternoon he snuck into the girl's locker room only to be later found by this tasty young girl with his pants around his ankles begging for a blow job. If you thought his days at school were miserable before this happened imagine how he was treated when word of that got out. Do you think this world is some kind of huge American Pie movie where you can sneak into some girl's house and rather than calling the cops they'll tongue each other's dewy folds just for your enjoyment? Grow the fuck up, dude. If you want to see naked women download the pictures on the internet like the rest of us. Leave those young, nubile women to lather their soft, smooth skin in that hot, hot shower to themselves. Ken!

Dear Ken!, "soccer" 1) if ball goes out of the bounds what happens? 2) how does a team get a penalty shot 3) what is direct kick? 4) why does a team have direct or indirect kicks? pls answer this soon as possible! kevin ziegert

Dear Kevin Ziegert, Lucky for you I am intimate with the "soccer". I score five touch-downs last year. I am hoping you like my answer please. 1) If a ball goes out of bounds the flag is waved towards the next chucker. 2) A penalty shot is awarded in instances of insolence, somnolence and impishness. 3) A direct kick is a lineal striking motion with the foot. 4) A team has only direct and indirect kicks because there is no other states than direct and indirect. Like the binary numbering system which contains only ones and zeros to represent all information there can be no other states other than direct and indirect. Sheesh. You'd think some as lazy as a guy who won't even do his own P.E. homework would know that. If you're not going to do your homework at least read some books rather than jacking off to *N Sync. Ken!

Dear Ken!, Is it possible to have a healthy, sexual relationship with no romantic feelings? My ex-boyfriend, who is still my friend, thinks it is a good idea to still fuck around. It isn't him using me, because it would only be when I wanted it and we'd do things together other than have sex. But it seems to me like it's not a good situation to be in. I don't think that sex is really a big deal and I know of lots of people who have done these types of things. (none that I can talk to though) But I don't want to become attached to him (or it) and then have it go away if he got a girlfriend or have my next guy not meet my expectations. I'm also younger (first year of college) and less experienced than him (just graduated), so it's a bigger deal to me. I also don't want to get back together because he was not a very good boyfriend, a better friend, and I think that it could potentially lead to that. I really miss doing it since we've broke up and it was really good but I don't know if it is a healthy situation to put myself in. Wondering

Dear Wondering, I'm no rocket scientist but I play one when I'm out at the nightclubs cruising for kinky sex. Therefore I'm quite qualified to make up some kind of answer. While it's possible it's important to understand some of the dynamics that come into play when a relationship becomes sexual. Often humans equate sex with love. As you know sex can be a very intimate, if not sweaty. Regardless of your wishes to remain friends with this guy you run the risk of developing deeper feelings for him. If the pleasure of your strings-free booty calls outweighs that risk then have yourself a ball. Or two. Ken!

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