October 13, 2003 The United States, Land of Whiffle Ball Bat Wielding Patriotic Yahoos

Dear Ken!, I haven't looked at your site for a while and I don't know what's been said on this subject, but: What are we in Europe and the rest of the world to make of the decision by Californians, to vote in Arnold Swarzenegger as governor? What are your feelings? Should we continue (some of us), to take the USA seriously, or should we take this as a message that your country is now beyond all hope and deserving of every accusation and attack it receives? If Americans can't take their lives seriously, why should anyone else? I like what you do. Tom. London, England

Dear Tom, I think this election proves that the majority of Americans are willing to act rashly during times of adversity. It lends credence to the notion that elections are the same old popularity contest only with enormous catering bills. And it hints that this bumbling cowboy of a president may really be the most suitable man to represent the United States. That doesn't mean to say there isn't a sizeable minority who think this whole Afghaniraqi-war-on-terrorism business is completely absurd. It's just that they're reluctant to speak up because they feel like they've got whiffle ball bat wielding patriotic yahoos shouting in their faces 24 hours a days. Do you know what probably pisses me off above all other Bush administration blunders? The Bush administration managed to piss away the huge amount of political currency that came with the September 11th attacks in a matter of months. We went from having most of the world on our side to being the biggest aggressor nation on the planet. It's just disgraceful leadership and the United States and the world deserve better. Ken!

Dear Ken!, The world is full of kings and queens who blind your eyes and steal your dreams......its heaven and hell.........why doesnt the dude who wrote this just kill the fuckers??? Wondering Winnie

Dear Wondering Winnie, Because there are just too many kings and queens who blind your eyes and steal your dreams, that's why. Do you know what I'm wondering about, Winnie? Lately I've noticed that the recent uptick in popularity in women's fashion both the low cut pants and the thong underwear has resulted in my witnessing what would be called plumber's crack if it were a guy (and he wasn't in thong underwear). It seems everywhere I turn there's some chick's ass and underwear hanging out of her trousers. Don't get me wrong- I'm not complaining by any means. It's certainly better than seeing some guy's ass hang out of his pants, low cut or otherwise. Plumber's crack doesn't seem to be the appropriate term when it's a female ass. What I'm wondering is what would be an appropriate term for when a woman's ass- and usually thong underwear from my experience- hangs out of her pants when she bends down/over? Anyone? Ken!

Dear Ken!, I have a son that smokes pot. He lives in an apartment with other close friends, that do the same. They are smart, sweet guys. However, they all fluncked out of college, they lose stuff all the time, have to get their parents to help them occassionally, and are in fender- benders 3-4 times. They make short films in their spare time, and they would be funny if you are high, I guess. They are just plain stupid. First of all I can't stand pot, and he knows this, so I can't talk to him anymore- he knows what I am going to say, I guess. Secondly, life is passing him by, I feel. Lastly, he doesn't look healthy, thin hair, pale. Everyone says I worry too much, and this is true because I go to sleep at night thinking about it, and wake up 3am or 4am before work thinking about it. ( son is 21 in Charlotte, NC). Thanks for listening. mom

Dear mom, I hate to break it to you, mom, but I know guys that age who aren't on the pipe who are less motivated than your son and his friends. Those movies may not hold much value for you but at least they're learning useful skills (whether or not they're straight enough to know it) instead of spending his days playing Soul Caliber 2 to drool over Tiki's heaving animated breasts. Besides, if millions of stoners out there can make Beavis and Butthead popular, your son has a shot at the big time. If it makes you feel any better very few pot smokers spend the rest of their lives baked. Most find a direction and leave the weed behind. He has to find something more important than weed, whether it's a big break or a girl. Until then tell him you love him and you're concerned about his heath but know that you cannot make him stop. Ken!

Dear Ken!, i knew a guy this summer, he's my friend's cousin...i really like him alot and i feel that he likes me too ! he's makin it obvious ! we started talkin on the phone alot...we talk everyday and he alwayz tells me that he wanna c me n that he misses me alot and sometimes he gives some hints that he likes me and he's kinda jealous when i talk about my ex b.f but something weird happened recently, da past two days he seems to be weird and he changed a bit ! a friend of mine was askin him about relationships in general and he told her that he's better off being single !!!! im really pissed off and confused cuz i dont know what to do...does he like me or not?? everything he does showed that he likes me but at the same time why did he suddenly changed??? and if he doesnt like me then why did he start getting close so much ??? i really need your help Groovy Chick

Dear Groovy Chick, I think if you asked adults to list ten words that describe their teenage years, "confusing" would rank up there somewhere. He's probably just as confused about this whole thing as you are. Play it cool and the answers to your questions will reveal themselves. Ken!

Dear Ken! Can you get pregnant if your a virgin but he put he's pinus in your vigina? Just playing around CL

Dear CL, Yes, you can get pregnant if you're a virgin and he puts his penis in your vagina. You can get pregnant even if he doesn't put his penis in your vagina. I recommend you quit playing around until you know what you're playing with. Ken!

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