October 20, 2003 Stuffing Her Stocking & The Homo Bin At Sam Goody's

Dear Ken!, what can girls use to masterbate with. thanks so much y

Y, Fingers are a good start. They're easy to control and you know where they've been. Beyond that the possibilities are nearly endless-- once you start looking for things shaped like a good, stiff cock, you'll see nothing but. I've heard countless stories about hairbrush handles and tapered candles, bananas and cucumbers and carrots. Even those long, thick candy canes Santa so innocently leaves in your stocking can be used to not so innocently stuff your stocking once the family falls asleep after eating the Christmas roast beast. Whatever you use be sure what you use is smooth and clean. Sharp edges and dirt are asking for troubles you probably won't care to explain to a friend, let alone a parent. That goes for the real thing, too, although you're far more likely to find a dirty penis than a sharp one. Ken!

Dear Lavone, My husband's younger brother still stays at home with their parents. He has saved up alot of money because he has no responsibilities. Am I wrong for thinking that he should help us out whenever we get in a bind? Lavone

Dear Lavone, You are not wrong in thinking that he should help you out but you're wrong in expecting him to do so. It's his choice whether to provide fiscal assistance. It's his money and his call as to whether his brother and sister-in-law (that's you) are an appropriate risk. After all, people don't make money by giving it away. Ken!

Dear Ken, I am not too sure how to address this... I have a question. I believe that I am a heterosexual male but I am not totally sure. While I long for a girl friend and would love to have one, I find myself always daydreaming about girls I like. The thing is, when I am sexually aroused (masturbating) my thoughts often turn to not only thinking about girls but also thinking about men, mainly their "tools" and making love to them, only orally. The thing is, the thought afterwards repells me so that I know I would NEVER go through anything sexual with members of the same sex in real life, well, in person I mean. I would definately go through and have sex with a woman, but only a woman. Am I gay because I like to think about penis's and fantasize about them along with women or what am I??! HELP!!!!! Curious?

Dear Curious?, Dude, you're not like a CD that needs to be placed in the appropriate HETERO or HOMO bin at Sam Goody's. Sexual orientation isn't like that. At your age-- I'm assuming you're in your teens-- sexual orientation is more like foods: some days you may be big into hotdogs, on another kumquats are on the top of your list. Even as one matures sexual orientation isn't so yes and no, off or on, black or white. I don't think humans truly understand the intricacies of their sexual orientation until they get some relationships under their belt because sexual orientation is more about who you love than what you want stuck where. Give it time. Maybe once you get down and dirty with the womenfolk you'll lose all interest in hot, throbbing cock. And if not, hey, at least you've got twice as many opportunities for hot monkey love on a Saturday night. Ken!

Dear Ken!, Hello, I have been "talking to this guy" for about a month. I'd say we are dating.... he is an over the road truck driver and we don't see each other much during the week, but he would call me every night for hours and talk... and on the weekend we would spend time together. well last week he worked more so he didn't call as much, which made me nervous... I felt like something was wrong... He called on Monday, and not Tues. or Wed. But at the end of the week he called, and talked and everything seemed ok... he was going to come over and we were going to go out Friday night, but he was tired from just getting home from work, and was going to go to bed. And I was fine with that.... well, the next night, Saturday, we had planned that we were going out, but when he got home, which he had to work later, he said he was really tired and was going to bed, and I still had yet to see him all week. So I was upset that he cancelled our plans. So we talked a while, and I was pretty upset with him, and acted like it was all his fault... i was being childish. and then he said fine, call me in a couple hours and wake me up and we will go do something. So I called, and he didn't answer, but I know he is a really heavy sleeper.... This was Saturday night. He didn't call Sunday, when he went back out on the road, or Monday, or Yesterday... and I even text messaged him and apologized for overreacting, realizing that he worked like 12 hours... and he has yet to call me or anything and this is Wednesday... do you think something is up? Or is he just "being a guy" and thinking that it is all good, and not realizing that as a woman it is a big deal to me for him to call ? He is 24 and I am 19... Thank YOu, Alwford

Dear Alwford, Call me new fashioned (that is the opposite of old fashioned, isn't it?) but I don't see any reason why a female can't call a man for a date. I mean, that's so seventies. You might as well put on some Pink Floyd and hang some black light posters and make a night of it. Somehow I can't shake the feeling that this guy is giving you the brush off. He probably thinks you're nice and doesn't want to hurt your feelings but isn't interested in seeing you anymore but can't tell you. I only know this because I've been there myself. It's sorta the nice guy's passive-aggressive way out of the deal. I'd take it as experience gained and seek someone who isn't puttin' the pedal to the metal 12 hours a day. Ken!

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