November 18, 2002 Cramitupyourassberries & The American Boy-King

Dear ken, When mutes sneeze, cough, or burp, do they make a noise/sound? please respond as soon as possible Me

Dear you, I know that to be mute means being unable to vocalize. Coughs, burps and sneezes all generate sound in manners different than speech. Therefore they must make some sort of sound. What I don't know is whether a mute in the woods surrounded by deaf people makes a sound when he sneezes. Ken!

Dear Ken!, After much patience, my boyfriend still wont eat my pussy, he says it is not his "thing". He's never done it and he never will, so do you think its OK to tell him go shove it, when he wants me to suck his cock? I dont see why I have to suffer alone. Naffed off

Dear Naffed Off, It seems like you've put forth great effort to get your man to tongue your juicy berry to no avail. I don't see any reason why you shouldn't withhold the oral pleasure to make your point. Ultimately it comes down to how much you value a good lickin' over how much you value your relationship with this guy. Or you might employ the logic of this next writer. Ken!

Dear Ken!, My current boyfriend likes to have sex doggy style, period. I think he may have intimacy issues. I cant cum when I have to have it on my hands and knees all the time so I fake it. I've faked it everytime with him just to get it over with. Bitch I know, but I dont like to hurt his feelings. I've tried explaining to him about it but it just goes over his head..........come to think of it, everything goes over his head. Shit, I'll finish with him, bad sex isnt as bad as no sex at all. Thanks for listening Ken. Sorted

Dear Sorted, Thanks for letting us in on your final decision. I find your logic interesting since I receive a good number of questions from men and women out there whose lovers don't or can't scratch their itch sufficiently wondering whether they should dump their otherwise adequate mate in favor of a hotter fuck. I guess it all depends on how much one values the hot, hot monkey love. Ken!

Dear Ken!, What are unhappy cranberries called? JJWC2

Dear JJWC2, I believe unhappy cranberries are called "cramitupyourassberries". Ken!

Hi Ken! I've been thinking about igloos a bit lately. Why? Because someone said that if a nuclear holocaust happened an igloo (really huge one) would be the best way to survive. Now my question is, if one did construct a large enough one to be able to withstand at least 6 months to give the air time to clear...if it was entirely hermetically sealed to prevent contaminated air getting in....how on earth could the oxygen not run out? In fact, even in itty bitty igloos, how come the folks dont die from the cold or lack of air? Skeptical Ignoramus (aka Adelaides redhaired Black Widow)

Dear Skeptical Ignoramus, Funny coincidence, this is: lately I've been thinking about nuclear holocaust. Since the election mostly, but it's been stuck in the back of my noggin now since a couple Septembers ago. Now that Dubya's got the rubber stamp power of control of both chambers he can finish ramming his war plans up America's collective ass. (Iraq is, of course, next.) As arguably the most powerful nation on the planet you'd think the United States could set an example for the rest of the world and prove a grave matter such as this can be resolved peacefully. But all we get is saber rattling, thinly veiled threats of vengeance and oil lust. Where are the Democrats during all of this? They're busy over in the hawk camp behaving like a bunch of pussies playing "me too" with the Republicans. Where the fuck is the political discourse in this nation? Are we all too enthralled by who Bobby yells at this week on The Practice to care whether the U.S. is planning to spend as much as half a trillion of our dollars to slaughter humans guilty only of being born in Iraq. Not to mention the America brothers and sisters and fathers and mothers and uncles and aunts who will die in the name of oil profiteering. Or the billions who may die as a result of a holy world war unleashed by the small-mindedness of an American boy-king. The whole thing makes me far too depressed to consider your igloo question. I'm inclined to say that if there's a nuclear exchange we're all pretty much fucked regardless of where you bury yourself or for however long. Ken!

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